Ahh... The smell of accomplishment. It's also the smell of paying your own bills and finding watermarked paper so your internships and workstudy jobs will seem more like...experience. I love this time of year because it takes me back to Spring, 1998. I was graduating from Emory University with a double major in Sociology and Women's Studies with a minor in African American Studies. (my conservative WASP-y Dad was so proud.) Here are some highlights of that weekend...
1. My commencement speaker was the Dalai Lama. Yes, that Dalai Lama. The best part was his holiness' speech lasted 9 minutes. Since the Georgia heat was bearing down on a couple thousand overdressed but educated souls, he chose wisely.
2. Often, when you graduate you get a fake folder with no diploma inside. But when you pay upwards of $35,000 a year in tuition, they're able to hire someone to coordinate it so you're handed your actual diploma. Unless you are Chris G., who was sitting next to me. He did the dance of going on stage, having his name called, hearing his family hoot and holler and then stopped for the memorial portrait. However, when he sat down, we simultaneously opened our folders. Mine had a shiny certificate that guaranteed me a difficult job search. His had a shiny letter that guaranteed him summer school since he had failed Chemistry.
3. I proved that weekend I had not inherited the "pack rat" genes of my parents. We packed up Betsy, the Chevy Cavalier and their truck with the big uglies, like furniture. In the midst of this, I contracted some sort of walking penumonia/ebola virus. My parents took off a day before me which left me with clothes, kitchen items, books, and a death-wish illness. Betsy filled up much quicker than expected and my utensils, textbooks, and tchotckes ended up in the dumpster. I've never looked back.
What do you remember about graduation from college, high school, or kindergarten? (kindergarten graduation is technically the dumbest event ever. Yeah, I said it.)
I love to stay busy. Texting a friend the other day, I told her that my life, after my college graduation, has been boring, because I haven't been busy. I love being busy! Every minute of the day, I feel I need to be doing something constructive, or my idea of constructive. I have been trying to stay busy, I just finished my Americorps application. I have have a list of 25 books to read this summer and I've already finished 2 of these books. I am also studying for the GRE. I've even started working out again to fill my day.
But, there are things that I could be doing that I haven't. Looking for another job, as both of my current jobs are looking gloomier and gloomier. I also need to write thank-you notes for my graduation. I had been really good at receiving something, and right away writing my heartfelt thanks for whatever I had received. I could be cleaning my room which needs re-organizing and maybe even some pitching of things I horde.
Maybe my idea of busy is making sure I'm doing the things I want to do. That doesn't sound right. That sounds more like selfishness. I'm selfish. Admitting it is the first step. But, I need to not just admit, but commit to the fact that I have priorities that I have decided are unimportant because I just don't want to do them. I think if I were to get these things accomplished, I wouldn't have this dreading feeling in the pit of my stomach that I should be doing something.
That's it! That's the feeling. The feeling that I should be doing something because I'm supposed to be doing something. Since I have always put off something or another, I wonder what it feels like to truly have nothing to do? Have put this feeling upon myself? Have I made my life feel lacking just because I haven't put my sheep in the right pasture?
If I can commit to getting these priorities done, I definetely feel accomplished rather than always waiting for that next thing to take my mind of important matters.
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 (NASB)
Have you ever had something you cherish so much, yet you have to a balance of waiting and searching to have it. That's the way love is. I'm not talking about Godly love that will always be there. I'm talking about the love that comes from another person (relational love).
This subject is so hard for me to write about because I can see and read it everywhere, and I want to have it. "Love makes the world go round." This famous or infamous saying, whichever way you take it, has influence our culture in so many ways. Whether it is the the television we watch, or the books we read, it seems as though everything has been enfused with love.
With all of this said, I keep wondering why I've never dated anyone, and why I want the love of another person so much.
At the moment, for some reason, I'm more than okay with singleness. I mean, I'm only a 20 year old in college. But we always wonder what could have been. I always think to myself that I could be single for the rest of my life and it would be okay. And I truthfully say that. I know in Song of Solomon (Songs)it says "We should not awaken love until it desires." And I honestly don't know about this. My question to everyone who reads this blog is, what do ya'll think? Should we search? Should we wait? Or should there be a balance?
I also hope that this blog relates to other people, as I know some of ya'll might be going through the same situation I am.